


Tether

by mmmdraco



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-27
Updated: 2012-08-27
Packaged: 2017-11-13 01:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/497704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmdraco/pseuds/mmmdraco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The view as he begins to drift out of sight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tether

**Author's Note:**

> There is some potential ED trigger stuff in here.

Isumi takes Hikaru out to lunch a few weeks after coming back from China. The other boy is in good spirits and eats his ramen happily. They discuss recent games and upcoming matches and agree to meet up later in the week for a trip to a go salon Isumi had heard about. Isumi promises to drag Waya along and Hikaru seems genuinely happy which is such a far cry from how he was when Isumi played him just after his return. When Hikaru goes to the bathroom shortly after finishing his meal, Isumi pays their bill. Hikaru comes back and looks stronger somehow and Isumi is glad for whatever is giving him back his confidence.

\----------

Akari visits Hikaru a few weeks later as Hikaru's mother has invited her for dinner. Hikaru plays her with one less stone than the last time they'd played and she does better than she'd expected. She suspected Hikaru of going easy on her, but their games were never going to be the powerful battle that Hikaru engaged in as a go pro. She was content with their easy games. During dinner, Hikaru seemed distracted, though. He picked at his food and pushed it around on his plate and talked to her absent-mindedly, even repeating himself a few times. But he had a game the next day, and this wasn't really unusual behavior for him.

\----------

Ochi is his opponent the next day. The game seems to take forever to get into chuuban and Ochi is snarling at some of the moves Hikaru is making. It's a close game that Ochi still loses, and it pisses him off because Hikaru is not playing at the same level he was before being gone for months. Ochi goes to the bathroom after the game and is about to enter a stall to tap out the pattern of stones he now wishes he had played; only Hikaru is already hunched over one toilet with the stall door open and is dry-heaving. Ochi rolls his eyes and leaves the bathroom. There's another on the main level that will do just as well.

\----------

Waya does meet up with Hikaru and Isumi for a visit to the new go parlor. They play several games and, thanks to the proprietor's knowledge of Hikaru, they don't have to pay _or_ offer to wash stones if they lose. Hikaru yawns several times during his games and asks for a cup of tea that he drinks very slowly. They win all of their games easily, until Waya offers to play Hikaru. The game is a close one and Waya can't help but cheer as he pumps a fist in the air when he wins by several moku. He knows it's likely only because Hikaru is so tired, but a victory is a victory.

\----------

Shindou Mitsuko makes her grocery list and heads to the store. She'd checked all of the cupboards first to make certain she wasn't forgetting anything, so it surprised her that the bill was significantly less than she usually payed. She glanced at her purchases and realized she hadn't bought many snacks for Hikaru at all. But the boy had been going out to eat with his friends more, lately, so that's probably all it was. She'd talk to Hikaru when she got home about whether he was getting enough to eat.

\----------

Ogata nearly growls at Hikaru as he is walked past in the Go Institute without a word. Hikaru is clutching his fan tightly in his hands and wearing a ridiculously bulky sweatshirt despite the warm weather outside. "Shindou Hikaru," he says haughtily. And Hikaru doesn't answer. Ogata scowls at him and decides that he doesn't want to play the brat after all. He had been jealous of Kurata that morning, maybe just a little, but no longer. Ogata has no time for people who have no time for him.

\----------

Kurata asks Hikaru to dinner after their game, but Hikaru turns him down. It displeases Kurata just a bit, but he's just as comfortable eating alone as he is with others. He is wanting sushi, though, and he seems to recall that Hikaru is more of a fan of ramen. There's always next time. The game had been a wash for Hikaru anyway, and Kurata supposes that's probably the real reason why.

\----------

Saeki is the one sitting next to Hikaru at Morishita's next study session, so they end up playing a game against each other. Hikaru is doing something peculiar with his stones. He's arranging the top layer to lay flat in the go ke and then running his fingers along the rim of the bowl. It's jarring somehow to Saeki and he ends up losing the game. They shake hands afterward and Hikaru's hand feels odd under his own. It's almost like shaking his grandfather's arthritic hand, but without the wrinkles. But Saeki doesn't play go as often as Hikaru does, because, really, who does other than Touya Akira? And maybe there's an in-between stage for calluses between Saeki and pros like Morishita where Hikaru is right now.

\----------

When Hikaru goes to get a haircut, his hairdresser frowns at his head while she's got him leaned back over the shampoo sink. "Your hair is starting to thin a little. I think you've overprocessed it. You might want to consider going back to your natural color for a while." Hikaru agrees. When he leaves that day with all of his hair a very dark brown again, she goes to clean the sink and wrinkles her nose at the large amount of hair clustered by the drain.

\----------

Akira doesn't recognize him at first. Without the blonde bangs, Hikaru looks older. But his cheeks are still the rounded ones of his youth and that is how Akira recognizes him. As they nigiri, he mentions the hair. Hikaru shrugs off the comment. At the turn of his head, the fine layer of hair on his jawline catches the light and Akira is struck by the thought that his rival may be growing up faster than he is. They play for a while and Akira wins, as he almost always does, and somehow they end up at a combini for snacks at Akira's insistence. He doesn't eat on game days, but on days that he's playing in his father's salon, it's a little different. Only, as Akira indulges in a favorite chocolate bar and a bottle of tea, Hikaru has chosen a bottle of water. Akira insists that he's paying and Hikaru should get something. He watches the other boy look at various packages before glancing at the back of one and getting the same look on his face as when he's counting territory. And he ends up buying one single rice cracker for Hikaru. He's heard it through the rumor mill, though, that Hikaru's been having stomach troubles, so perhaps sweets just weren't on his mind.

\----------

Hikaru doesn't make it into any of the title qualifiers and Kuwabara frowns as he realizes this. The new wave that was rising up seems suddenly dashed as though it hit breakers in the sea. He'd been looking forward to playing the kid and now that hope is gone for a while. He'd just have to take out his frustration in a game with Ogata.

\----------

Ichikawa offers to take Hikaru's jacket when he comes to the go salon months later, but Hikaru politely refuses. Both the politeness and the refusal are perplexing as it's a warm day and even Akira is wearing a short-sleeved shirt. And Hikaru has never paid her much attention. But he's a growing boy. Though, now that she looks at him, he doesn't seem to have grown much at all in the last year. Akira has grown several inches and his shoulders have grown broader and his face has thinned. Hikaru is still short with chubby cheeks and the narrow build of a middle schooler. At least now he's learned to be polite.

\----------

Waya shows up at Hikaru's house one day after a study session. Hikaru's mother lets him in and directs him to Hikaru's room. The other boy is sound asleep under the covers with the sunlight streaming in on him. Hikaru's go ban is set up in the middle of the floor, but the stones are snug inside the go ke instead of spread in a dazzling pattern on the board. Hikaru's Shonen Jump magazines are stacked neatly on a shelf. When Waya goes to grab the newest one, he realizes that there are snacks hidden behind the magazines. Grinning at Hikaru's still sleeping form, Waya grabs for a package of Pretz and opens it. He decides not to wake the other boy after all and puts the Shonen Jump back. He slides the Pretz into his pocket as Hikaru's penance for missing the study session and leaves the house after taking a moment to thank Hikaru's mother. He'll call Hikaru later and berate him for this, especially after missing the session before it for being sick.

\----------

Mitsuko begins to worry about her son. He's sleeping more often and all he seems to eat are the snacks he brings up to his room. Several of his friends have come over to see him only to leave because Hikaru was sleeping in the middle of the afternoon. She couldn't put a name to her worry, though, so it stayed as a little niggling thought in the back of her head. Hikaru had always been good before about telling her things before they got too bad, and she trusted him this time, too.

\----------

Akari is at the store buying feminine products when she sees Hikaru out of the corner of her eye. It takes her a moment longer than normal to recognize him without the shock of blonde in his hair, but it's definitely him. She hides her intended purchase by her side and tries not to be seen since there's just something a little embarassing about this, even though she knows that every woman has a period and they all have to do something about it. Hikaru walks away with a small box in his hand without noticing her and she breathes a sigh of relief. She walks slowly down the aisle so she won't meet up with him at the register and frowns as she notices the section he'd grabbed the box from. Laxatives? But if all he'd been eating were snacks, as she's overheard Hikaru's mother tell her own, then there was probably something to that. She guessed guys weren't immune to having things they didn't really want to be seen buying either.

\----------

Akira played Hikaru in an official match a few weeks later. It was abysmal. Hikaru looked exhausted the entire time. He shivered inside his long-sleeved shirt and his head looked... odd. It was as though his neck was thinner, but his face still had that roundness to it despite a sharpened jaw and sunken eyes. He'd been offered tea, but he took only water. Akira had heard of the stomach problems before, and wondered now if it was something more serious. He resolved to talk to Hikaru after the game to find out. They were rivals, after all. They weren't great about keeping each other informed about their lives, but maybe that needed to change. The game was over faster than any of their games had been before and Akira was nearly ashamed of it. He'd dominated, but he hadn't even had to try. He could have played shidougo. Something was wrong.

\----------

After the game, Akira walked over to the other boy to yell at him or plead with him or something to quell the urge inside of him that wanted to rend Hikaru apart for the horrific game he'd just played. But Hikaru was struggling into his jacket and looked as frail as the paper of the fan he carried. It was as Hikaru's large baggy shirt lifted that Akira noticed that Hikaru's pants hung loose on him and his belt had been tightened until the tongue wrapped through the belt loop on Hikaru's side. He made himself approach the other boy, though. "What's wrong with you?"

Hikaru turned slowly to him. "Nothing. Just an off day."

His concern turning to anger quickly, Akira said, "You've had an awful lot of off days lately going by your record."

"Just... forget it." Hikaru jerked his shoulder upward to finish settling his jacket into place and grabbed for his shoes. 

Akira exhaled slowly through his nose. "I know you've been throwing up in the bathrooms here."

Hikaru froze with a finger between the back of a shoe and his heel. "And?"

"Tell me what's wrong!"

Settling his foot into the shoe finally and pulling the other on quickly, Hikaru then stood. "I'm just trying to get control." And he walked away.

Only, he didn't make it far. Before he even touched the handle of the door, he slid to the floor in a seemingly boneless slump and Akira's heart rose in his throat. "Shindou?" He dashed over to the other boy and turned him over. "Shindou!" Looking around, he waved to the receptionist at the main desk. "Yamada-san! Call an ambulance!"

It took almost ten minutes for the ambulance to arrive by which time Akira had checked Hikaru's vitals as best he could and shook him with varying degrees of ferocity and wiped away tears that began to stream, unbidden, from his eyes. It was only as he was being pushed away by a medic that he realized how many people had crowded around Hikaru's crumpled body. Akira stepped back against the wall of go players and watched as Hikaru was loaded on a stretcher and then followed as the stretcher disappeared through the doors. "Can I ride with him?" 

And then he felt frustration rising in him as he was denied for not being family. Only when a hand was on his shoulder and he was being ushered off toward a little red car, not even realizing until he was opening the door that it was Ogata motioning him forth, did he start to relax a little. But his rival and friend and really-almost-family was unconscious in an ambulance and he felt like things were flying apart inside of him. Hikaru had just talked about trying to get control and Akira felt the same need. At every moment in his life before, he'd found control in his life by playing a game of go with the ordered rows of black and white stones that spoke of life and death and rebirth. Even in loss, he could find his place. But as his mind fought to find answers and reasons, more subtle hints and signals and rumors seemed to pop into his conscious thought until an answer seemed to form in his mind, but so horrible that he couldn't bear thinking of it.

Akira focused his thoughts on remembering notable games with their well-practiced patterns, but what came to mind instead were his recent games with Hikaru. And with this idea in his mind that he was trying to suppress, the moves he had found weak and confusing now seemed like cries for help. The game they'd just played read now like one giant scream that his white stones had attempted to silence at every turn. When Ogata finally came to a stop in front of the hospital entrance, Akira had tears streaming down his face again. He practically tore off his seatbelt and was out of the car before Ogata could say anything. The moments it took to get to the right waiting area dragged out like the eons between sealed moves in a title match. Each step was a new question with no ready answer.

Even once he had checked with the nurses and let them know whom he was there for and even once Ogata had parked and was sitting uncomfortably across from him in the waiting area and even once Hikaru's parents had arrived and questioned everyone they could find... It still took hours before anyone seemed to know anything. During this time, Akira had expressed his condolences to Hikaru's parents for the situation, had eaten a pastry that Ogata had shoved in his hand that seemed to have no real taste, had downed a cup of black coffee that Ogata had also shoved at him, and had broken into slowly falling tears twice.

Akira had overheard other go players make fun of him before for having no emotions. And he felt some of that now. For himself, he could feel nothing. But for Hikaru, he suddenly felt everything. The passion that the other boy drew out of him when they played was something he had never experienced outside of a game until now. This was not the response to a hand played, but something entirely outside the game. It was unknown territory for Akira who had played every moment of his life that he could remember as though it were merely an extension of whatever 19x19 board had been in front of him most recently. It scared him.

Hikaru had been the one thing in his life that was certain, despite the uncertainty in everything about him. No matter what they said or did to each other, it seemed like something had inexorably entwined their lives to revolve around each other. If Hikaru were to cease to be, Akira didn't know what that would mean for him other than continuing to spiral out of control on his own without someone else to help ground him. As soon as Hikaru showed Akira his go, they'd both known there was no turning back. Hikaru hadn't seemed to realize their rivalry at the very beginning, but Akira had shown him. Together they were walking the same path. That Hikaru seemed to have taken a fork in the road without Akira noticing... It was this that made the tears run. 

It was nighttime before a doctor finally approached Hikaru's parents and led them off to another room to discuss Hikaru. Akira's heart can't decide if it wants to race or slow and it instead seems to beat erratically and makes him dizzy. He sits there until Ogata coaxes him to eat and drink again and to take a bathroom break. He is glad that Ogata doesn't try to convince him to go home. Ogata may have his problems, but he understands rivalry more than most and it is the only reason why Akira doesn't mind him being here.

The moon was high in the sky before Hikaru's parents approached him and confirmed the fear that had been growing more volatile inside of him, but then they invite him to visit Hikaru. He isn't certain he wants to anymore, but he's stayed here this long and Ogata nods to him as though he's approving. And moments later, Akira is standing beside Hikaru's bed.

There's an IV drip going into Hikaru's arm. The hospital gown he's in only seems to emphasize the sharpness of the body beneath it. Hikaru is pale and shivering and his lips are chapped. He's conscious, but just barely. His eyes are opening in little slits and Akira can see the pupils darting back and forth between the people in the room before retreating away again for several long moments. "Hikaru." He says his rival's given name like a statement, but he means it like a question.

"Sorry," Hikaru says roughly and Akira notices that he's got a breathing tube hooked to his nose. It blended with the pallor of his flesh at first glance, but it stands out now that he's noticed it.

"No. Don't be sorry. I should have seen."

Hikaru struggles to sit up, but Akira puts a hand on his shoulder and grimaces at how bony it has become since the last time he remembers grabbing the other boy there. Clearing his throat, Hikaru looks at him through those barely opened eyes and Akira is caught. "It's not your fault. I shouldn't have to tell you that. I'm the one who thought that I was in control."

"I should have taken you out for ramen every day." Akira feels the burn of tears rising in his eyes again and tries to will them away to no avail.

Hikaru laughs and reaches out to squeeze his hand lightly. "Then I'd look like Kurata. I'm already a little fat."

And Akira sobs. He tries to reign in the noise and the sniffling, but they come out in his voice as he speaks. "No, Hikaru. You're not. You're thinner than I am." And he's glad he hasn't said the thoughts he's really thinking about how he's afraid he'll break Hikaru just by looking at him.

Shaking his head, Hikaru laughs, but it's a hollow sound. "Did they tell you to say that?"

"When have I ever said anything to you that someone else wanted me to?"

"When Ichikawa made you apologize for spilling tea on me." 

Akira finally clutches back at Hikaru's hand. "She just reminded me of my manners. That's all."

Hikaru nods and his eyes close again. Akira glances around the room again, but the nurse seems to have pulled Hikaru's parents elsewhere. Taking a deep breath, Akira leaned down and pressed a kiss to Hikaru's forehead. From there, he could smell the sour stench of Hikaru's breath as though he'd thrown up not long before. "I should go," he finds himself saying because he can't decide whether his heart is breaking for good or for bad.

"I'll be back," Hikaru says softly.

"No. I'll be back here first so you can follow me." Akira gives Hikaru's hand one more gently squeeze and then lets it go. It hurts to walk away, but he does it. He doesn't know what will help and what won't, so he doesn't want to stick around just yet. He would ask the doctors tomorrow before he visited Hikaru and he would be the one to bring back Hikaru this time. 

Ogata doesn't ask questions when he walks back through the waiting room and Akira is glad. He allows the other man to lead the way to his car and to drive him home, and the only words spoken are the "thank you" that Akira manages to mutter before he closes the door behind him.

\----------

Waya has heard. They all have. Hikaru's in the hospital. Because he had an eating disorder. And none of them noticed. He finds himself visiting Isumi at his apartment and just not leaving. They attempt go, which is a disaster. Conversation is even more of one. But it seems to help to just have someone by his side and Isumi seems to find solace in him as well. He wants to visit, but that piece of himself that's screaming that he has failed one of his friends won't shut up enough for him to do anything yet.

\----------

Ochi sits in his room by his goban and glares at the board. He plunks down the stones hard enough that he can see his fingertips turn pale before he lets them go. He saw Hikaru throwing up. He was the one who mentioned it to one of the other pros. Wasn't it Iijima? He hadn't thought it was anything more than stomach troubles. So now was there any burden on him because he had been the closest witness who still knew nothing? Were people going to laugh at him for his ignorance? Or would they be so focused on Hikaru that they wouldn't even think of him as was the usual? 

He shook his head and felt ashamed of himself. This time, it really wasn't about him at all. As much as he wanted to be where Hikaru was in the eyes of the Go World, he wondered now how much pressure there must be and whether he would have been able to handle it any better. He really didn't think so. Ochi's mind, for a moment, turned to Akira and he wondered how he was holding up. Ochi didn't really have a rival yet, so he wasn't certain how these things went, but he figured that this was far more difficult on Akira than any other observer, possibly even Hikaru's parents. Ochi grasps another stone between his fingertips, but his heart isn't in the game right now.

\----------

Kaneko is at the hospital visiting a cousin who has just had a baby. Her family is crowded around the mother and newborn and Kaneko is bored out of her mind. She begins to wander the hallways as something to do. She likes to watch people.

After wandering through various hallways for half an hour, she sees someone coming out of an elevator who looks vaguely familiar. Upon closer inspection, she realizes that it's Hikaru's mother. The older woman is clutching an overnight bag and her face is pale with blotches of red. Kaneko wonders if Hikaru's grandfather is here or his father, but the woman walks into the room across from Kaneko who can't help but take a glance inside. When she realizes that Hikaru is the one in the bed, she gasps loudly. Her hand comes up to her mouth to silence the noise, but the woman hears her. "Hello, dear."

"Hello, Shindou-san." Kaneko bows her head with her hands at her side. "I apologize. I didn't mean to alarm you. I'm an old friend of Hikaru's from the Haze go club. I didn't realize he was in the hospital, so I was a little shocked."

The woman smiled softly and brushed Hikaru's now-fully-black hair away from his eyes and watched him sleep. "I thought I recognized you." She wiped at her eyes with the back of one hand. "I'm surprised Akari didn't call you. But she's probably just dealing with it, too."

"What..." Kaneko coughed. "What's wrong with him?"

"He-" And here the woman began to cry softly. "He collapsed after a game."

"Do they know what caused it?" Kaneko was naturally inquisitive and couldn't seem to stop the words from forming on her lips.

"Ah, it seems he had an eating disorder that he was hiding from us." 

And Kaneko, who had purposely thrown up a few times after overindulging in a late-night study session snack break or dinner with friends, clutched at the hem of her skirt. "Will he be okay?"

"They need to finish running tests first, but they're hopeful just as we are. Akari's family is close to our family, so they'll know more as we go along. I'll ask that she calls you with any news."

Kaneko nodded. "Thank you. I'll go now." She waved quickly and turned away. Her feet took her faster and faster away until she was running down a hallway. She got to the end where a large window looked down over the city and pressed her hands against it. She looked up at the sky and took a deep breath. It looked like it would rain.

\----------

Mitsuko isn't sure what to do about Hikaru right now. Her husband can't be around much since it's his busy season at work, but if she's honest with herself, Masao is always busy at work. But this is his boss' busy season, so Masao couldn't take much time off even if he chose to. Mitsuko will have to talk to the doctors herself and find out about treatment. She's already taken one piece of advice: make sure that people know. She called the Nihon Ki-in herself and had them release the information. They were the people Hikaru saw the most, so they should know now so they could begin to come to terms with it and begin to get an idea of what to keep an eye out for if Hikaru came back. If... Such a lonely little word. 

She tucked Hikaru's blankets a bit more snugly around him and sat in the chair by his bedside. She'd watch him for now and bring out a book if he didn't wake up soon. Masao would come by later with something for dinner. The heart rate monitor was set up where Mitsuko could see it. That steady beat was the one thing keeping her spirits up. Her son had overcome nearly impossible odds before. She had faith he could do it again.

\----------

Kurata is eating sushi when he finds out from Ogata. It makes the last mouthful dry and unappetizing, but he swallows it eventually. And then Ogata says something in bad taste. "You could stand to have a little anorexia."

It's so tasteless and cruel that Kurata can't quite believe it until he notices how many little bottles of alcohol Ogata has already powered through. "I like food, Ogata. It's not a crime." And his own lips are a little loose from the drinks he'd had. "Better than groping young boys."

And somehow that's all it takes for Ogata to tackle him to the floor and aim a punch for his face. It misses and gets him in the chest. Kurata rolls so that Ogata falls on his side and tries to catch his breath while pressing the side of Ogata's face to the floor. Ogata struggles for a moment, and then the bastard falls asleep.

Kurata grins.

\----------

When Ogata wakes up, he is on the floor of his apartment with a headache, numerous body aches, and a very dry mouth. He stuggles to his feet and shrugs off his jacket. As he goes to hang it on the back of a chair, he notices something brown all over it. He holds the garment in front of him. "Kurata Atsushi, 6-dan and Future Juudan!" It is written in what appears to be soy sauce. Ogata grabs for painkillers and takes twice the recommended dosage with a glass of orange juice.

\----------

Isumi shows up with a magnetic go ban before anyone else. "Would you play a game with me?"

Hikaru is sitting up in bed, though he's still rather frail-looking. "This time, I won't fight you."

"Just one rule change." Hikaru narrows his eyes, but Isumi ventures forth. "For every stone of yours that gets captured, you have to eat a cracker." He held up the box.

Hikaru frowned. "If I wasn't so desperate to play someone, I'd send you home right now. But, okay."

Isumi set up the board and the box of crackers. He'd talked to Hikaru's doctor first about what kind to get. These were reduced fat and low calorie, but had some vitamins and fiber. 

"Nigiri," Hikaru said as he clutched at a few of the stones. Isumi looked at the other boy's hand and wondered how they had all missed it. He was more skeletal than Kuwabara, and that was saying something.

Isumi wins black and plays his opening move and the game progresses quickly. Hikaru captures one of Isumi's stones first and Isumi, on a whim, eats a cracker. "Mmm. These are good." It's really kind of tasteless, as far as crackers go, but he smiles about it anyway.

It isn't until almost yose that Hikaru gets put in a position where he loses a stone. His eyes look dead to Isumi as he hesitantly reaches for a cracker and brings it up to his lips and bites off a tiny corner and chews it slowly. He smiles sadly as he suddenly shoves the rest in his mouth and reaches for another that he pushes in alongside the first.

Isumi puts a hand on Hikaru's as he tries to reach for a third. "Hey, there's no sense in overdoing things. All things in moderation, right?"

Hikaru nods as he chews and reaches for a cup of water to wash it down. "Two crackers for every stone. Okay?"

"I'm going to make you eat the whole box." Isumi fingers his next stone while staring down Hikaru.

Hikaru laughs and places his next stone. "I'll make _you_ eat the stones."

\----------

Akira arrives with nothing in hand. Hikaru's mother excuses herself and leaves them alone and Akira sits in the chair she's abandoned and grasps onto Hikaru's hand right away. "You should have talked to me."

Hikaru traces his thumb along the back of Akira's hand. "We only talk about go."

"Let's change that."

"Then what do you want to talk about?"

Akira pulls Hikaru's hand to his lips and sits there for a moment just pressing them against one slightly swollen knuckle. When he lets it down, he looks up at Hikaru. "Everything."

Hikaru laughs and runs a hand through his hair with the IV line dragging behind. "Are you seriously confessing to me?"

"Didn't you see this coming?"

"I can't read that far ahead. Not in this game."

Akira smiled. "Good. Then there are still surprises to be had."

"Sai is gone." Hikaru looks off into the distance.

"I know."

Hikaru turns to look at Akira and his expression is wild. "How could you know?"

There a pause before Akira speaks in which he enjoys the simple pleasure of holding Hikaru's hand. "Because nothing else would make you like this."

"I still haven't told you-"

"And you don't need to. He taught you go. His go is in you, just as my father's go is in me. Of course you're sad. If you weren't, that would be something to worry about."

Hikaru closes his eyes and leans back against the pillow and shakes with sobs as he covers his face with one hand and clutches desperately at Akira's hand with the other. But Akira is here now to hold him and keep him here and watch him and it is that tether that lets Hikaru come back down.


End file.
